Monday, February 28, 2011

Stagnant

The excitement of the diet has completely worn off and I am trying desperately to reignite the spark that got me going in the first place. On the plus side, I get told all the time how I am looking great. (From people who don't even know I have been dieting!) It never gets old to hear that your hard work is actually paying off. My original goal was to lose 20 pounds from my very highest weight. I achieved that and moved to my next goal which was to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I achieved that and now I just don't really want to do it anymore. The problem is, that my goal NEEDS to be to optimize my health. That is a never-ending goal. That is something that will keep me focused on healthy eating and exercise habits I need to keep that in mind.

My real reason for losing weight at all was to get as healthy as possible so I could get pregnant again. I guess I was just hoping I would be pregnant by now. Since I am not, I need to keep working on my next goal. Optimizing my health. I still have some weight to shed and an additional goal would be to lose 20 pounds from when I started this year instead of what my highest weight was. (So losing 30 pounds instead of 20.)

I guess I still have a ways to go, I just feel down that life never seems to happen the way I want it to. But, I suppose it always turns out the way I need it to. I shouldn't complain. I have a lot to feel grateful for. And the biggest thing I am grateful for right now is the support! I wouldn't have reached the goals I have reached without the continued support of those around me. It's been great.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Pure Luck

Despite my horrible week, I managed to lose one pound. Maybe it's because although I had three terrible days, I still had 4 good ones. I guess I just feel lucky I didn't gain 5 pounds. That one pound loss has given me renewed enthusiasm and I am going to tackle this week head on. Just got my tax returns (Hooray!!) so I will be doing some shopping for awesome foods to keep my diet interesting and tasting great. I just need to remember to eat regularly and plan ahead. That's been key in my success so far. (And NOT planning ahead or waiting until I am starving to eat, is exactly what happens when I fail!)

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Roller Coaster

The ups and downs of dieting are exactly what I planned to document here. It's the ups that I hate. That pesky number on the scale. When it's up. I am feeling down. This week, I lost all motivation and pigged out! I find myself wondering what happend and then I think back to when it all started. My dang husband! Monday and Tuesday I work long hours and pack healthy food and it's not even a little bit hard to stay on my diet. I have everything cooked, packed and ready to go for me to eat 3 meals a day at work. I make sure I pack foods that taste good and are healthy. It's a win-win.

Tuesday night I get home and my husband is waiting up for me. (He goes to bed so early this is quite unusual.) The second I walk in the door he says he is running to wendy's and asks what I want. It's late at night, I didn't eat all the food I packed because I just wasn't hungry and then I walk in and find that not only am I finally hungry again, but Wendy's sounds DELICIOUS! So he brings me back a burger and fries and I happily devour them. Mind you, I kept track of the points and it still fit into my diet plan. I didn't go over my allotment for the day so it was fine, right? Wrong.

It would have been fine if it ended there. The next day, I had a healthy breakfast and then once again, waiting until I was starving before I even thought about lunch. I didn't have anything over the top, just some apples and cheese. (It was the snack I made for my son late in the afternoon. Why I didn't eat when I fed him lunch, I don't know.) So of coarse by the time dinner rolls around, I am once again famished and not in the mood for anything healthy. So what do I do? I eat a burger and fries again. This time it didn't fit into my daily allotment, which can be no big deal, because there is a weekly allotment of additional points for occasions where you want to treat yourself. Kinda like taking a day off of your diet. It's great. It makes it feel less constricting. (Constricting is the wrong word, but I can't think of anything better at the moment.)

So now I am 2 days in a row of eating unhealthy burger and fries. It's gotta be one of my favorite things ever. I LOVE a good burger. The fries are just ok, but I find myself eating them mainly because they are there. I gotta quit ordering a combo meal.

Today I had it all planned out. I had my meals all ready to go. It was going to be so much better. And then I ended up babysitting my niece and my son asked if we could take her to play in the playplace at McDonalds. They were going crazy in my little apartment so I took them there for lunch with the intention of ordering something healthy. Yep. Didn't happen. Burger and fries once again. Now I am past my weekly allotment. This completely sabbotaged my whole week!

I am just going to put it behind me, plan a little better and stick to my guns. I can't let one bad week ruin this for me. I WILL reach my goal. I WILL get in better physical shape. I WILL establish healthier eating habits in my household. I don't finish many things that I start. I am horrible at that. I lose focus and just quit. I have done that with SO many things. Projects, spiritual goals, fitness goals, financial goals, college, etc. I am such a quitter. It's honestly pretty depressing to admit how little ambition and motivation I have. It's a definite sore spot for me. It's something that I wish I could change. Wishing doesn't help anything. I think the reason I am SO determined to meet this fitness goal is that I would finally accomplish a worthy goal. It would be the first step in actually changing myself into a determined, ambitious go-getter instead of someone who merely exists. I can do it. I just need to keep at it.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Update

I had a rough day yesterday wanting to stick to my diet, but I mangaged to get through it. I am glad I did because this morning, I weighed myself and saw a number I hadn't seen in years! I was pretty excited so I pulled out my box of pre-baby pants and thought I would try on a pair just to see how far away I was to fitting in them. Imagine my surprise when they went on easily and I could zip them up!! THEY FIT!!!

I am really happy about my success so far and I needed something to be excited about to help me want to continue. It only took 3 years, but my pre-baby jeans fit! They are a little tight, so I probably won't wear them until I have lost 5 more pounds, but I am excited nonetheless.

I still have a pair of jeans I wore in high school and I would LOVE to fit in them again, but we will see. I also want to have another baby, so getting to my goal weight and then getting pregnant would be the ideal situation. That will be a ways away though.