Thursday, February 10, 2011

Roller Coaster

The ups and downs of dieting are exactly what I planned to document here. It's the ups that I hate. That pesky number on the scale. When it's up. I am feeling down. This week, I lost all motivation and pigged out! I find myself wondering what happend and then I think back to when it all started. My dang husband! Monday and Tuesday I work long hours and pack healthy food and it's not even a little bit hard to stay on my diet. I have everything cooked, packed and ready to go for me to eat 3 meals a day at work. I make sure I pack foods that taste good and are healthy. It's a win-win.

Tuesday night I get home and my husband is waiting up for me. (He goes to bed so early this is quite unusual.) The second I walk in the door he says he is running to wendy's and asks what I want. It's late at night, I didn't eat all the food I packed because I just wasn't hungry and then I walk in and find that not only am I finally hungry again, but Wendy's sounds DELICIOUS! So he brings me back a burger and fries and I happily devour them. Mind you, I kept track of the points and it still fit into my diet plan. I didn't go over my allotment for the day so it was fine, right? Wrong.

It would have been fine if it ended there. The next day, I had a healthy breakfast and then once again, waiting until I was starving before I even thought about lunch. I didn't have anything over the top, just some apples and cheese. (It was the snack I made for my son late in the afternoon. Why I didn't eat when I fed him lunch, I don't know.) So of coarse by the time dinner rolls around, I am once again famished and not in the mood for anything healthy. So what do I do? I eat a burger and fries again. This time it didn't fit into my daily allotment, which can be no big deal, because there is a weekly allotment of additional points for occasions where you want to treat yourself. Kinda like taking a day off of your diet. It's great. It makes it feel less constricting. (Constricting is the wrong word, but I can't think of anything better at the moment.)

So now I am 2 days in a row of eating unhealthy burger and fries. It's gotta be one of my favorite things ever. I LOVE a good burger. The fries are just ok, but I find myself eating them mainly because they are there. I gotta quit ordering a combo meal.

Today I had it all planned out. I had my meals all ready to go. It was going to be so much better. And then I ended up babysitting my niece and my son asked if we could take her to play in the playplace at McDonalds. They were going crazy in my little apartment so I took them there for lunch with the intention of ordering something healthy. Yep. Didn't happen. Burger and fries once again. Now I am past my weekly allotment. This completely sabbotaged my whole week!

I am just going to put it behind me, plan a little better and stick to my guns. I can't let one bad week ruin this for me. I WILL reach my goal. I WILL get in better physical shape. I WILL establish healthier eating habits in my household. I don't finish many things that I start. I am horrible at that. I lose focus and just quit. I have done that with SO many things. Projects, spiritual goals, fitness goals, financial goals, college, etc. I am such a quitter. It's honestly pretty depressing to admit how little ambition and motivation I have. It's a definite sore spot for me. It's something that I wish I could change. Wishing doesn't help anything. I think the reason I am SO determined to meet this fitness goal is that I would finally accomplish a worthy goal. It would be the first step in actually changing myself into a determined, ambitious go-getter instead of someone who merely exists. I can do it. I just need to keep at it.

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